Hi,
I just want to share this to you, "How should you deal with the impact of rejection in your life?". This is written by Allison Stevens. Hope this will help you understand, if you have this kind of situation.
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When we feel the blow of major rejection — like the unfaithfulness
of a mate, the wound of a family member, or the betrayal of a close
friend — we may wonder if we will ever find someone who will love us
again.
In an emotional trauma, we try to make sense of our pain.
There’s a constant drive to understand and explain why this agony is
happening. During this time we can be tempted to respond to rejection
in unhealthy ways. We can develop a contempt for ourselves, a contempt
for others, a contempt for God, or a combination of all three.
In
self-contempt, we take the full responsibility for the failure of the
relationship. We wonder, What is it about me that causes people to
leave me? We doubt our value as a person, and everything about us is
called into question. Doubts of our ability to maintain a loving
relationship trouble us. We think, They must have seen something so
repulsive in me that no one can love me. Facing the rejection of a
spouse, for example, can be especially difficult when you see other
couples staying together through devastating experiences. We wonder why
our own relationship could not stand the test of trials.
Contempt
for others is another response we might use to try and make some sense
of our pain. It holds others as fully responsible for the dynamics in
the relationship. We view them as evil. We write them off with, "It’s
all their fault." Or we might put distance between others and ourselves
and view them with contempt. We avoid close relationships because we
believe that no one can be trusted.
Contempt for God blames Him
for our pain. We reason that if He is in control of our lives and He
loves us, why didn’t He protect us from this heart-breaking experience?
Those who have been rejected and abused by their parents as children,
in particular, can tend to blame an all-powerful God for their
suffering. Rejection and loss causes us to doubt that God loves us
because we are angry with Him for not protecting us and allowing it to
happen.
At first, contempt for ourselves, others, and God works
for us. It helps us maintain the facade that we have everything under
control because we have "explained" the reason for the pain. We can now
go on with our lives, fixing what we can about ourselves and keeping
everyone (including God) at a distance. This drive to control our world
is so strong that we would rather hate ourselves (self-contempt) than
be faced with the fact that we are not in control and that we may be
hurt again.
What sounds good about contempt is that it does not
require facing additional pain. It avoids grieving losses. It sedates
the heart and it keeps others from getting too close. That sounds
inviting to a hurting person, but if we nurture contempt, it will lead
to depression, loneliness, and bitterness.
We are desperately
afraid, because to love again we must risk being vulnerable and admit
that we do care, no matter how hard we try to numb our hearts. When we
are at the end of our rope and we begin to realize that contempt no
longer works for us, we can choose a better way of dealing with life.
Letting others get close to us and learning to trust again leads us
through the process of grief. For a person who has been hurt, grieving
may sound like a sadistic choice. But grief will lead us down the path
to restoring our faith, embracing hope, and opening ourselves up to
love.
Grieving is important because it provokes us to cry out to God, and thereby to open ourselves to His healing ( Psalm 34:17 ). He is ultimately the One who can give us comfort and protection ( Psalm 61:3; Matthew 5:4 ).
When we grieve, we face the truth that we have been deeply hurt and
there is something lacking. There is a hole in our hearts that hurts
terribly.
It may not feel like it at first, but healing begins
when we face the sadness and disappointment of the loss of our hopes
and dreams. We tend to avoid our feelings (i.e. deep sadness) because
we are afraid that they will consume us, that we will never find
comfort. But if we act in faith and "throw ourselves" on the Lord in
dependence and cry out to Him, He will be the rock that saves us from
the overwhelming waves of pain ( Psalm 34:18 ).
God’s comfort gives us hope — hope for a brighter future and for love
again. Life without hope is not worth living. Scripture says that God
will fill us with hope ( Romans 15:13 ). It also recognizes the vitality and necessity of hope (Psalm 119:116; 147:11 ).
The
process of growth is difficult because it engages us in an agonizing
battle between faith and doubt. When doubt begins to get the best of
us, we will be tempted to give up. Contempt will seduce us as we fight
through intense emotion and questions. Ironically, resisting contempt
and entering into this dark valley of emotion is when we can begin to
see our faith deepen.
When we see our faith deepen and we are
reminded of how God is working in our lives, hope grows. Hope gives us
the motivation to love, which is the most important element in the
believer’s life ( Matthew 22:37-40; 1 Corinthians 13:13 ). Love will open our hearts to hear the truth about our strengths and shortcomings ( 1 Corinthians 13:6 ).
Love will soften our hearts for others, cultivate forgiveness, and help
us face the beams in our own eyes before we look at the specks in the
eyes of our brothers or sisters ( Matthew 7:3-5 ).
We
can’t fight this battle alone. We need to talk to strong Christian
friends who can remind us of the truth of God’s love for us. It’s
important to have friends who will give us freedom and support as we
grapple with our doubts and fierce emotion. We may need to seek the
help of a good biblical counselor during this rough time. And filling
our minds with the truth of God’s Word will strengthen us. Meditating
on Scripture will equip us and cause our faith to grow.
Unhealthy
responses to the pain of rejection inhibit a life of joy, peace, and
love. But responding to rejection in a healthy manner, by honestly
grieving and crying out to God, can strengthen our character, deepen
our faith, and allow God to change and heal our hearts. We can learn to
embrace a hopeful vision that God is up to something good in our lives,
even in the midst of heart-breaking rejection ( Romans 8:28 ).
